


reason for being

by indemnis



Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dance, Ballet, Ballet dancer Kihyun, Light Angst, M/M, Performing Arts, Poor attempt at poetic writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 04:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17440055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indemnis/pseuds/indemnis
Summary: When Kihyun comes to, Minhyuk is absent.





	reason for being

**Author's Note:**

> note: sexual references

When Kihyun comes to, Minhyuk is absent.

The curtain drapes over his set in a dreary sea of velvet, red, and then the lights go off.

Minhyuk, who’d existed in his existence as a sturdy being, a lighthouse, even, and Kihyun is but a prancing winged beast attracted to his light.

It is simple to fall and waltz into his circle. Minhyuk is the reason for his pirouettes, his Pas de Chats, the reason for his spirals and spins.

When he comes to, Kihyun finds trouble finding more reason for his dance, the steps in his feet, the rhythm in his head.

It is but the image of them bathed in the evening rays of Paris after an extraordinary performance, and Minhyuk holds him in his eyes like he is worth his entire world, and then more.

And Kihyun dances. He dances for Minhyuk, willing to _be_ his entire world and not any more, wills himself to live up to the grace and elegance that Minhyuk’s lover should have.

They swirl and twirl in their own way, within the suites of high-rise hotels, overlooking the city of Anywhere, Kihyun’s hips thumping to the beat of Minhyuk’s thrusts.

When Kihyun comes to, Minhyuk is gone.

The sizzle of a once-burning Something they shared dissolves into something like a fizzle, and Kihyun dances, but for no one.

He’s had plenty of reasons to dance before Minhyuk.

For passion, for praise, for applause.

And Minhyuk enters and leaves, and Kihyun is a husk of a man who danced for a reason he can no longer find.

They break into a standing ovation. Kihyun bows, so low, so deep, and when he comes back up, there are tears in his eyes.

The glare of the spotlight casts little white spots in his vision long after they’re gone. Kihyun tries to catch them but they never go away.

When Kihyun comes to, he is in another bed. A cold one, a suite overlooking Somewhere, but the locations matter nothing. He practises daily, his spins, his fouettés, until his skin blisters, and then he practises on those blisters.

He still finds reason. Reason to dance, to seek the time where he danced for anything but love.

Because his form of love came in a man who knew his quirks, his likes and dislikes, who read him like a book, who understood when the world cast their judgements on him.

And when Kihyun comes to, this man leaves, and so does their love.

His love. Kihyun is enamoured of Minhyuk, though he never asks for an outward confession from Minhyuk himself.

He didn’t think he needed to. Not from the man who existed as a stable hold, the one with a firm grip over his heart, his soul, his being.

Perhaps it is why Kihyun is devastated. Perhaps he should have learnt to give less of his heart away.

But every day he dances, and he wishes nothing but to find the fire in him that burnt wildly in a world where Minhyuk had yet entered.

(But his wishes are futile, for Minhyuk set fire to that world and brought those ashes with him.)

When he jumps into the air, he thinks of the first kiss they shared. Under these very same glaring lights, Minhyuk holds him gently and kisses him like he would break.

Kihyun almost never breaks, but it feels nice to have someone treat him like he would.

So he kisses him back, fiercely, like Minhyuk would never break, as if he has it in him to return all that Kihyun has to offer.

The floorboards creak and Kihyun rests on the points of his toes when Minhyuk cups his face and deepens the kiss. His insides are a smattering display of fireworks, and his heart sings. Sings in ways he was not aware he was capable of.

That night Minhyuk devours him whole. Kihyun puts himself up for grabs, and grab was what Minhyuk did. His thighs pressed tightly against his chest, Kihyun lets Minhyuk feast, sing again he did, scaling octaves as his fingers bruise Minhyuk’s arms.

And again, and again, for night after night, Kihyun puts on a great show for Minhyuk, flexible, pliant, smitten. He wouldn’t want it any other way.

In return Minhyuk is the beacon of light. He is the one spot Kihyun keeps returning to after his performances with the wind in his steps. Kihyun reckons Minhyuk is something like Home.

And his Home is never far, only silent, and when they kiss Kihyun feels like the warmth of a glowing amber light turned on, and he sinks deeper, until the warmth consumes him whole before catching on fire.

When Kihyun comes to, Home is gone, and Kihyun has to find refuge in a place he once found familiar but has found distance between them.

Dance. Dance he did, and dance he did well, but he loses the spring in his step, and he smiles only for the aesthetic.

When the Hall breaks into deafening applause, Kihyun bows once more, thankful, grateful, empty. Still he bows, in the ringing of applause that fails to fill him up, in the disappointment of his lack of conviction.

Sweat drips onto the wooden floorboards and Kihyun rises back up to stare at the audience with what minimal passion he still finds in the art, and when he does, he finds himself staring into the most glaring of lights.

The light that had stayed for too long, the light that needed to leave so as to prolong its stay.

When Kihyun comes to, Minhyuk stands before him in all his shining glory, and Kihyun would look away, but he’s afraid that if he does that he’ll come to to find him gone again.

He doesn’t blink, only stares, and Minhyuk is there.

Firm, bold, bright.

Kihyun prances like a winged beast who finds his reason once more.

**Author's Note:**

> me, clearly knowing nothing about dance and ballet: let's write about ballet dancer kihyun and google ballet moves! (no but that's literally what i did)  
> listen i know i have a lot of other works i'm working on but i just felt like writing this so here it is hope it's not too gross poetic but really that's the entirety of this work tbh  
> hope you liked it anyway! (also, me, writing anything under 1k? what an accomplishment)
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated!  
> twt: @jookination


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